OSR 026: Personal Change Comes At A Cost
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Flickr Wolfgang Staudt
Change is not easy. That is what I found out, especially if you want to go public with your ideas. I started OSR with the idea of helping others while I help myself. But I soon found out that along the way there are going to be more than just personal changes within. I realize that any time you start to step outside your box people will jump all over you.
You may or may not have heard this theory, but you are the average of the five closest people around you. You talk to those people about the same things, you have the same hobbies, you make the same wages, and your materialistic things are mostly the same, such as your car, house, or style of clothes. If you take a second and stop to think about it you’ll realize that it is very true. I thought of this many times. I truly fit that to a “T.” I enjoy my friends, we watch Packer games, we go to restaurants we all enjoy, and we laugh at the same type of humor.
When you start to personally change for the better does that go over well with the people who are in this average with you? Let me break down the three types of people that may or may not care about your personal change.
The three types of people are:
- Supportive
- Jealous
- Just don’t care
Supportive – You are always going to have a few people stand behind you on anything you want to do in life. Mostly it will be family and a few friends (until you realize they are just saying they are supportive and you find out later they are jealous.)
Supportive people are the ones you need to focus on when you encounter a change within your new life. Examples of change would be getting out of a bad relationship, changing jobs, following your passion or goals that don’t seem ideal to everyone else, losing lots of weight, or making spiritual and mental change. You will realize over time that this group of supportive people will become your rock.
My personal supportive people are my family. I have never been more in love with my family until now. Since I started this project my family has been behind me 100% of the time. They have given me needed space and time to do the podcast and other things relating to this project.
The only downfall with supportive people is that they are not going to give you 100% honest feedback. They will always give you encouragement without suggesting ways to improve.
Don’t care people – It’s as simple as that they don’t care if you change, stay the same, decide to move, or decide to stay; they are just people in passing. These are the kinds of people that just don’t really care about the outcome of your own life. They might have so much going on in their own lives that their issues are all they care about.
Jealous people – We all know this type of people. We have them as our friends, co-workers, and even family. Most of the time we know who they are, but sometimes they are undercover.
The best way for me to break this down is to give you a very personal story about one of my friends. I was good friends with this guy named Joe. Joe and I would work out daily, play sports together, watch games and movies together, and travel together. We were known as best friends. As the years passed I started to do some personal soul searching and figuring out my next steps in my life plan. During my searching I did not share the things I learned about myself, inventions or ideas running through my head, or even things I purchased. I don’t know why I held this in but I felt that Joe would not understand, so I just kept him out of the loop. Time passed. I had my child and Joe and I really started to separate. Joe and I just did not have the same common ground we had once had. We both realized that was OK and kept on doing our own thing. It wasn’t until I started Operation Self Reset that things really took a step toward the worst.
When he first found out about Operation Self Reset Joe was supportive. I posted a few YouTube Videos and other things on the website. That is when Joe really changed. He stopped calling and when we had time to talk about it he asked if I was doing this to become better than him. I was shocked. That is why I said before that people who seem supportive can sometimes be in the jealous category.
I am not one to ditch friendships and move on, so Joe and I were able to talk it out. I am not going to say that everything now is back to where it used to be but he understands my position and mindset.
I bring this up to share with you that during times of change you will encounter roadblocks and people calling you out on things that you never even thought of. The best advice I can say is keep on moving ahead. I really enjoy Joe and I am saddened that our friendship has changed, but during my own progression I have met and become friends with so many more people. I stepped outside the box and along the way I lost a few people but I have gained so much more. If you are not willing to change for yourself even when you know you should you are shortchanging yourself on so many great things. Like Nike says, “Just Do It.”
Change is not easy but you have it within.
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Hey Jake,
My heart knows all too well and aches for you and the sadness and emptiness that comes with not only losing a good friend- but also learning how that “true friend” actually thinks or processes things so differently than yourself- or how you had “assumed” they would think.
I have so many examples of situations playing out like this- it could be depressing to retell. However, the main point that remains consistent with all is that we- as in “The Ever Evolving and Constantly Searching for More Community”- do grow beyond a lot of our fellow friends, family and peers. It is unfortunate, and disheartening to not be able to bring them along for the ride, however, this journey is difficult enough on our own, especially when you’ve got a family of your own; because you constantly have to remain “in check” that you don’t veer onto separate road of your own; separate from your family.
In my opinion, those who seek more out of life, those who continue to pursue their own happiness- even when everything in their life appears to be all anyone could ever hope for; are more sensitive to the harsh things that people around them say about them, because we do tend to be more hopeful and that makes us more vulnerable.
I am sure you can appreciate this story Jake since you have a little man of your own and since your father has been an ongoing source of encouragement and guidance for you on your “Pursuit of More”. (By the way- The episode with your father was by far my favorite so far. I shared it with many and have listened to it more than I care to admit.) Last week, my 6 ½ year old son and I were driving along when he started listing off some friends of his on his bus. I thought I had known of all his friends from his bus from the various stories, however, this list contained a friend- Zachary- whom I hadn’t heard of. I asked him Zachary? He is on the bus? “Yes, Mommy” my son answered. “Zachary is my friend but yesterday he was making fun of me and my monster hat I had on (We live in Michigan- its been cold as hockey sticks laying on the ice here). He started telling me in detail how this kid Zachary went out of his way to make fun of him and even compare his monster hat to another kids on the bus- whose “hat was cooler”. He said “I am always nice to all my friends, but everyone is always mean and makes fun of me.”
**Please remember- He is in 1st grade- so he takes everything to heart and also believes that everyone is his friend.
Hearing of this mean kid intentionally being hurtful- awoke something inside of me that had yet to be stumbled upon. My son is just like me in the best way possible!!!!!!! HAHA I know this sounds pretty conceded when said out loud, or in a statement if of its own, but in the context of this podcast, I know you will get it. I have known for a long time that my son takes after me with his creativity, interest in problem solving and shares my gentleness to animals. However, I haven’t known about this!! This is huge!! And just as I wanted to scream it off a mountain top- the reality of the difficulty and sadness that he will likely experience because of this came to mind. I had found myself at a loss for words….. when without any hesitation, as if this response was just genetically programmed inside me without me knowing it, these words just came out of my mouth; “Oh honey, I know this doesn’t make any sense to you, because you aren’t like this- but some kids are “JUST MEAN FOR NO REASON”. This is when I realized that I was repeating the very same words that I would hear my Grandmother say to me when I was upset with how friends treated me!!!!
I got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as memories flooded my mind of this being the exact consistent disappointing response I heard for years. I thought- “Have I passed on a “curse” to my son?!?! As proud as I am of who I am and how I got to be here. how tragic to watch my son live thru the same type of social difficulties that people like us face.
It hasn’t been easy living every day of my life to the best of my ability, always trying to stay positive and upbeat. Making a conscience effort daily to try to be kind, considerate and uplifting to everyone I encountered… even as far back as early elementary. Yet, my most prominent memories of school are how many times I came home from school crying because I didn’t understand why my friends could be so mean. Or even as an adult, I remembered looking back at the end of a good night out with friends and really only focusing on how a “friend” could make a simple little statement with the clear intentions of being rude and hurtful to another “Friend”. How tragic to watch my dear sweet innocent son experience these painful social encounters.
Its only been the past 5 - 6 months that I have fully understood, accepted and embraced this non-conventional part of my personality. My constant need for pursing more, even though it would appear that I have everything I need to be happy. Instead of being embarrassed, I now embrace my ongoing change of hobbies and/or “career” choices like a Starbucks flavor of the season. I realized that with my new-found confidence and understanding, I am fully equipped to handle and possibly even help ease the painfulness that my son may face with his unique, genuine and sensitive spirit.
I have always turned to quotes for motivation and as reminders that others think similarly to myself. Now I also have your great podcast. Thank you Jake! Thanks for being you and sharing your thoughts and encouragement with the world. You and your buddy shared many years of good times and memories. It’s so cliché, yet so true-like so many things- it’s easier said than done, and time to move on to bigger and better. Hypothetically- because I do not believe your intentions are financially motivated- or that your looking to become “bigger and better than”. Some people come to conclusions that we just cannot comprehend because we don’t have the capability of thinking so selfishly. At least thats how I see it.
My two most favorite quotes:
“Anything worthwhile is never easy”
“Wherever you go, go with all your heart” - Confucius
WOW, Thank You So much for sharing!!