You worry about your mate finding someone “better” and leaving you. You have already done the heavy lifting by identifying the fear. The first thing you should recognize is fear always, radiates from the inside out, not the other way around. That’s important to note because it means it is probably not your boyfriend who feels you are lacking, but you who feel you are lacking.
Two things immediately come to mind. First, if your boyfriend has a history of infidelity, you may be reacting to the uncomfortable reality that he is untrustworthy. If that is the case, you must weigh whether the quality of the relationship in its current state is worth investing time into repairing. Try as we may to assume responsibility for our mate’s lack of commitment, the truth is, he may or may not stop cheating and that decision is totally up to him, not you.
On the other hand, if your boyfriend is faithful and this fear is an inside job, you must recognize you will never feel comfortable in this relationship or any other until you rid yourself of the insecurity that says there is “better” out there to be had. This dilemma is going to be the focus of the rest of this article.
You may tempted to corner your boyfriend and try to get him to make you “feel better about things.” But it is not within his power to do so. The comfort you feel as a result of your mate’s loving encouragement will be short-lived and you will eventually find a way to get back to that familiar place of fear.
You are struggling with a fear of being unloved. Believe it or not, being afraid that no one will love you stems from self-love that is not fully intact. Somewhere in there, you think you are not enough. So let’s indulge. Go ahead and imagine the worst-case scenario. Your boyfriend cheated and left you for someone else. Now what? What does it mean that he left you? Does it mean you are unlovable? No. It only means he changed his mind about the relationship. Perhaps, he could be more of a gentleman, but essentially, that’s what a breakup is – someone changed his or her mind about the relationship. It’s not easy. It’s painful saying goodbye to someone you care about, but you have it in you to navigate through the pain.
Give yourself permission to be you – however flawed, however beautiful, however right or wrong you may be. As you learn to love yourself and get more comfortable in your own space, you will naturally draw to you those who find your flaws, beauty, rightness and wrongness sufficient.